
There are times I teach where, in retrospect, I  find myself saying "boy, I'm not going to do 
that again", or "well,
 that didn't work". How may times do we plan, plan, plan, only to have things go awry? In truth, no matter how big of a 'planner'  or 'non-planer' we are as teachers, what it really comes down to is experience.  My mentor teacher has over 25 years of teaching experience and when we meet for our weekly conferences, she never ceases to amaze me.  It's like things I don't even see happening she sees coming from a mile away.  Ah the voice of experience! What would I ever do without it!
Because I can't keep my mentor teacher tucked in my pocket for easy reference during those sticky situations in in the art room (no pun intended) I am reading the book The Power of Our Words by Paula Denton.  I think at some point in the past I have referenced it on my blog but I'm revisiting it.  Actually, my entire school is reading the book as topics for discussion at our monthly faculty meetings, but so much of what is in the book happens to be really helpful. The examples are realistic, very relevant, and the book itself is very well organized and easy to follow.  Here's an article I read based on Chapter 6 of the book: 'Reminding Language'.  I posted  a link to the books website which is based on The 'Responsive Classroom' method of management.
Teacher-Child-Problem-Solving Conferences
 Derek was a fifth grader who was avoiding writing.  Whenever we had writing time, he would ask to go to the bathroom, and  there he would linger. After observing this for a week, I decided to  have a problem-solving conference with him.
A  problem-solving conference is a technique for addressing a specific  problem that a child is having. What makes it powerful is that it  invites the child into a conversation and asks for the child’s take on  the situation.
The conference begins with the  teacher noticing the child’s moods, actions, and interactions before  helping the child come up with possible solutions. Conducted in a  nonjudgmental way, the conference sets behavioral boundaries while  giving children the opportunity for autonomous thinking.
In  this article, I'll describe the basic steps that I went through in the  conference with Derek. These steps are intended as guidelines to be  adjusted to fit different situations. Some conferences take five  minutes; others are spread out over several days. In some cases a  conference leads to an immediate solution; in others the teacher and  child need to revisit the issue several times.
One  thing that is true of all problem-solving conferences, though, is that I  always hold them away from the eyes and ears of the child’s classmates.  It’s important that the student has privacy for these talks, and that  the teacher and child can both focus on the conversation without  interruptions.
Step 1. Establishing what the teacher and student notice
A  problem-solving conference begins with the teacher saying positive  things s/he has noticed about the student—the student’s interests,  efforts, and goings-on. When we tell students we noticed what they’ve  done well, we begin to establish a supportive connection, an essential  step before talking about a behavior that isn’t working.
With  Derek, I began by saying, “I notice that you’ve had good ideas when  we’ve brainstormed what we could write about. I also notice you pay  attention and make helpful comments when kids share about their  writing.” I try to be specific in my noticings, and I name the “what,”  not the “why,” of behaviors.
Next I say what  behavior I’ve noticed that isn’t working well. Here again, it’s  important to name specific, observable behaviors. I don’t make  judgments, interpret, or label. I simply describe, using a  matter-of-fact tone.
“I notice that every writing  time, you have to go to the bathroom,” I said to Derek. I was careful  not to say, “You want to avoid writing, so you say you have to go to the  bathroom.”
By naming the behaviors rather than  interpreting them, I open the door for children to take note of their  actions and offer their own interpretation. They are then more likely to  take responsibility for their behavior.
After I say what I notice, I ask for the child’s observations. I say simply “What do you notice?” in a neutral tone.
When I posed this question to Derek, he said, “I just have to go to the bathroom a lot.”
“So you also notice that writing has become a bathroom time for you?”
“Yeah.”
Derek  was agreeing with my observation. If he had disagreed, I might have  said, “Well, I notice that you want to go to the bathroom at every  writing time. You notice that it’s only sometimes. Maybe we should both  notice extra hard for the next few days and then come back and compare.”  I would have made a plan with Derek for how to remember our  observations. But I also would have continued with the conference. It’s  possible to proceed in addressing a problem while we continue to gather  data.
Step 2. Naming the problem and the need to solve it
The  next step is to help the child see why her/his behavior is a problem  and to establish that the child wants to work with the teacher to solve  it.
To Derek I said, “When you go to the bathroom  every writing period, you lose important work time. By the time you get  back, you have to hurry and often you only get about a sentence  written.”
“Yeah. There’s not enough time.”
“So your story doesn’t get very far. For example, you don’t have very much yet of the story you’re writing now.”
“Yeah. I only have the first page.”
“I  want you to be able to write complete stories that you can be proud of.  So this seems like a problem we should work on. What do you think?”
“I guess so.”
Here  it’s important for the teacher to express positive intent—for the  student to get along with others, have friends, enjoy and take pride in  his/her work, solve math word problems, or follow directions—and to show  faith that the child will make progress.
Sometimes  when we ask whether a child wants to work with us on the problem, we  get only a slight nod or other gesture of agreement—which is fine. We go  ahead. Other times, a child refuses adamantly: “No, I don’t need help!”  or “No, I don’t think it’s a problem.” If this happens, it might be  useless to push ahead with the conference. 
However,  it’s important that I state the expectations for behavior—for example,  for the child to stop putting others down, to get work done, or to end  aggressive behavior. I might say, “I see that it’s hard to discuss this  right now. I’d like to help. Let’s see if the rude comments stop.”
Step 3. Understanding the cause of the problem
When  the student and I agree that there’s a problem (even if there’s only a  moderate or muffled agreement from the student) and we agree there’s a  need to solve it, we explore the “why” behind the problem. I suggest  possible causes based on an understanding of children’s need to belong,  feel competent, and have choices. I’m also aware that confusion or  frustration about academics may be an underlying cause. I often use  “Could it be . . .” questions to initiate this discussion.
To  Derek I said, “When I see kids go to the bathroom at a particular time  every day, I think they want to avoid something they don’t like or  that’s hard for them. Could it be that writing seems hard for you this  year?”
Derek grinned and said, “Sort of. It’s sort of hard.”
Children  don’t always give a clear answer to our “Could it be…” questions. A  “yeah, maybe,” a slight nod, or sometimes a “yes” disguised as a  shoulder shrug may be all we get. But those signals let us know it’s  okay to go on.
With Derek, I probed further to get  at why writing was hard for him. As happens with many children, I needed  to name several possible causes before he heard one that sounded right.  “Could it be that writing is hard because you have trouble thinking of  ideas? Or could it be that you know your main ideas, but you get  confused about what words to use? Sometimes writers worry about the  spelling or the handwriting. Could that be true for you?”
“Sometimes I can’t think of the words I want,” Derek replied.
Even  when the cause of the behavior is very clear to me, I ask rather than  assert. We gain children’s confidence when we invite them to participate  in the conversation. This confidence grows not because the teacher has  brilliantly solved the mystery, but because the child was part of the  process.
Step 4. Generating alternatives
“Do you think we could come up with some ways to help you remember the words you need?” I said next to Derek.
It  often helps to list several alternatives before seizing upon one  solution. In Derek’s case, we decided together that he could brainstorm a  list of words before starting a story. He could try some story mapping  exercises. Or he could jot down main ideas before starting to write.
Step 5. Choosing one strategy to try
The  conference ends with an oral or written agreement to try one of the  alternatives. With several possible strategies on the table, I asked  Derek to choose one idea to try. He chose to try brainstorming a list of  words.
Always, it’s important that students choose  an alternative that they believe will work, not one that just pleases  the teacher. Over the next days and weeks, the student and teacher both  take note of whether the problem they identified gets resolved. If not,  they learn from the experience and return to the list of alternatives to  make a better selection.
The strength of this  problem-solving approach is its openness to the child’s perspective and  ideas. We try to see children as they really are, exploring with them  what they need in order to do better at school. Ironically the correct  solution is not what’s most important. What’s most important is inviting  the child into the conversation, searching together for solutions, and  expressing faith in the child’s ability to solve the problem.